Day 18 - Still Going

308 lbs, 11 lbs lost

Now we're getting to the hard part.  The momentum of a fresh start is wearing off and the uphill climb is beginning.  I am trying to keep my mind up so this journey seems like something I want to do, not punishment, but it's not easy.  I would love to hear from anyone reading about where you may be on a similar journey.

Here's what I've been doing:

• Switched to a different food & exercise tracker.  It was knocking me off track that the one on WebMD did not have an app so I could update from my phone or tablet.  I have switched to MyFitnessPal which can be updated on phone, tablet or computer.  I just started today so we'll see how that goes.  Tracking is CRUCIAL.
• Tried a new cabbage recipe which is a big deal since I am not a big cabbage lover.   (1 t. olive oil, 2 T. bacon bits, 2 T lemon juice, 1 T. worcestershire, 1/4 t. salt, 1/4 t. pepper, 1 Cabbage, quartered, individually wrapped. Bake at 425 degrees for 20-30 minutes)
• Walking or exercising with the Wii at least 4x per week.
• Watching the old series "Ruby" on Netflix to keep myself motivated.  If you are not familiar, it was a cable reality show about a woman who started at 500 lbs. trying to lose 250 of it.

Challenges:

• Nighttime eating is still a challenge.  Frequency is the same, but what I eat is better.  I go to bed at around 9 p.m. with the intention of watching TV or playing on my tablet for a couple of hours.  From 9 pm - midnight, I get up to eat at least 4 times.  I have been much better at eating fruit, hummus on a rice cake, etc rather than 4 Hawaiian rolls slathered with butter for just one of the trips.  Maybe I could try this week to get up only 3 times.  I continue to talk to myself about the fact that my subconcious does not need to rebel at night.  This is what I want to do.
• Still a challenge to eat more calories early in the day, but I only skipped breakfast once this past week so good on that.
• The big challenge is thinking this is what I want to eat because it isn't.  I went out to eat to a beautiful Asian restaurant and had delicious and beautifully presented veggies, but was hungry within an hour of when I got home.  I still dream of cheese even though my gut feels so much better without it.  There is a "satisfaction" factor that does not come from a big pile of celery even though one may be "full."
• Eleven pounds is a lot to lose but my clothes do not feel significantly looser because I had gotten so big, even my "big" clothes were getting tight.

So, let me repeat my reasons for this journey to motivate myself, and maybe even add a couple:

1. I desperately want to look better. Honestly, that is more important to me than my health. I would like to end up looking something on the order of Christine Lagarde, head of the IMF International Monetary Fund.  Her way of dressing is just my style.
2. I want to run and play full tilt with my six exceptional granddaughters.
3. I want my recently replaced knees to last longer.
4. I want to travel more comfortably and be confident I can conquer challenging terrain like Machu Pichu.

Well, that's it for today.  Onward & upward (I mean downward!)
Paula

Day 10 - Progress Being Made

9 lbs lost - 310 lbs.

So far, so good!  The fact that I haven't quit yet tells me that I really want this.  Haven't written for awhile because of a big work project.  I am a textile artist and I am working on a commisioned quilt. The longer it takes to make, the longer til I get paid!

Here are some things I've been doing to keep my motivation up:

• Started walking with Mitchell the Dog.  We go one driveway farther every day.  Today we are up to "two driveways past the corner."  I am so grateful to have had both knees replaced December 6 a year ago.  Now I can really power walk and it helps to stretch my back out from the quilt stitching.
• Made homemade hummus in the blender from a recipe I found on Pinterest. It was a little bland because I used the bottom of the range of spices (as suggested) but a good place to start.  I love hummus and this recipe made twice as much out of one can of chickpeas as you get in a $4.00 container at the store.
• Turned a corner on my nighttime eating habit.  Was watching Dr. Phil for entertainment while I worked on the quilt the other day and a woman was on who ate in her sleep.  After years of doctors and therapists suggesting that my nocturnal eating was a result of trauma early in my adult life, Dr. Phil suggested that the woman's subconscious was merely rebelling against food restrictions she placed on herself during the day.  Given the fact that I started restricting my food severely when I was in high school, and until I started this new life style ten days ago often did not eat at all until afternoon, I thought this could be true for me.  I had a talk with my "self" about how much I really do want to change my life, and have been having much less trouble ever since.
• Added a resource page to this blog.  Look for the tab at the top of the page. Will contain a summary of resources I mention along the way.

So, how do I feel oat this point on the journey? I feel encouraged that I am losing.  I am not thrilled to not being eating pizza, but I want to shed this fat really badly.  I feel grateful to have the space in my life to do this. Onward & upward!

Day Two - Baby Steps

Holding at 316. 3 lb loss.

I woke up this morning pretty discouraged because of my nighttime eating.  It seems that I hold on, hold on, eating fruits and veggies until about midnight when all self control goes out the window.  In fact, I wake myself up to eat.  Last night it was ice cream and cornbread.  So...

This morning the remaining ice cream is going in the trash.  I put the actuals of what I ate in my tracker and my mood improved.  Instead of pushing my daily total to the 3600 calorie range as I used to do, I ended up in the 2200 calorie range yesterday.  I did make the choice to use a small bowl for the ice cream.  I did make the choice to not slather the cornbread with butter.  I AM IMPROVING.  2200 is not weight loss range but it is not constant increase range either.  I would like to relax into this, but turning this ship around really is a battle.

Resource of the day:
Blog by a young woman who has been at this for awhile and has lots of links to good stuff - http://skinnyemmie.com. 

Have a great Thursday!

Day One - Not Quite Perfect

Yesterday, New Year's Day Tuesday, was Day One for the New Me.  I actually started following the meal plan on Monday to get a running start and ran smack into two familiar hurdles right out of the gate.  I don't mind eating the foods on the plan, in fact, getting all that produce in is a challenge.  Obstacle One came in the form of the premade TollHouse cookie dough in the fridge.  Ate the whole thing at midnight Monday.  2100 calories.  Felt horrible but woke up telling myself, "I will NOT give up."  Obstacle Two took the shape of the last piece of cheesecake left over from granddaughter's birthday.  Down the hatch it went for afternoon snack.  Again, felt miserable.  A couple hours after that, I told myself, go record the cheesecake on your tracker and see if it really derailed your whole day.  Actually it didn't.  I still had about 400 calories left to eat some dinner and to have my favorite evening snack, celery with Pace picquante sauce mixed with 1 T sour cream.  The key was that I prepared the celery dip before I went to bed so it would be ready for my midnite crave time.

This morning the scale was down 2 lbs so Onward & Upward!  Probably water but I will take whatever encouragement I can get.

Two resources I used yesterday:
A.  Al Roker's new book, "Never Goin' Back: Winning the Weight Loss Battle for Good".  I wouldn't say I am learning a great deal, but it makes my shame less to know that Al Roker has weighed 20 lbs more that me and he is an inch shorter.  His conclusion, same as mine, "Eat less, exercise more."  His secondary conclusion, same as mine, "Eat cleaner foods" meaning more foods in their natural state, avoiding processed foods.

B. Netflix film, "Hungry for Change." Various health experts are interviewed about the myriad ways the food industry spikes processed food to keep us coming back for more.  Just a few examples: Diet soda - filled with sweetener aspertame & caffeine keeps one coming back just like a drug.  They mentioned diet coke drinkers who used the drink to not eat, which I did when I was younger. Fortunately, I kicked the soda habit years ago.  Another example, high fructose corn syrup, of course.  That is an obvious, read the label and avoid at all cost.  For me, I want to avoid this for me AND the grands.  A third ingredient to avoid was MSG.  In lab studies of fat mice, there are no naturally fat mice so scientists fatten them up by giving them MSG.  Sick.  Avoid it. 

At the end of the film, they went into a spiritual tone and talked about how many of us (me) use food to fill a void and that "LOVE = SAFETY"  I never heard that before but it is so true for me.  It is interesting that I was just talking to the granddaughters about our family being a safe place for people to express themselves and they seemed to respond to that.  I know that until recently in my adult life, there was no safety anywhere, so I guess it is no big surprise that I had a HUGE void to fill.

Well, time to launch Day Two! Talk to you later.

Ready to Begin

It is New Year's Eve 2012 and I am ready to begin my new life tomorrow.  Buoyed by my success at quitting smoking 6 years ago tomorrow, I am ready to begin my march to 100 lbs lost by this time next year.  Starting at 318 lbs.

Preparations made:
1. Visited nutritionist.
2. Prepared a meal plan for first week.
3. Tried out food & fitness tracking system on WebMd.
4. Got this blog going.
5.  Set up Jenny McCarthy exercise system on my new pawn shop Wii (thanks Jordan!)
6.  Praying for God's help and strength!

Watched a Netflix video called, "Fat, Sick, and Almost Dead."  The title pretty much describes my physical condition, but not my mental.  The guy in the film kicked off his road to recovery with 60 days of veggie/fruit juice only, 3x a day.  I tried to look up the juice recipe on the film's website, but there is something wrong with it. I could do juice maybe for breakfast or a snack. I am not going to do it entirely right now.  The inspiring part of the movie was that the first guy got a truck driver to do it with him and that guy really racked up changes in his life.  Worth watching if you are in need of a boost.

I am attaching my beginning profile photos.  What it is, is what it is!

Planning, planning

For about a week now, I have been recording my food and exercise on WebMd. (http://www.webmd.com/diet/food-fitness-planner).  I am still in the preparation phase for my Jan 1 start date so I have not changed my eating patterns.  WebMD recommends that if I want to lose 100 lbs. in the next year I should take in 1740 calories and do at least 250 calories in exercise. Thankfully at this hard to exercise time of year in Minnesota, driving a car is about 300 calories an hour. Throw in four granddaughters under 10 years old and I KNOW it is worth 300 calories.

On most days I have been going over by 1000-2000 calories. Good to know. I also have a very hard time getting in 2 veggies & 2 fruits, like have not made it yet. I have also not made the required 8 glasses of water yet, and I thought I was drinking a lot of water.  Now, I have started menu planning.  Joan the nutritionist from the Emily Program gave me a chart of food groups to get in so I am slotting that into an excel spreadsheet, then I will match those food groups to actual menu items.  I want to have all my food planned and in the house for at least the first month so I don't have to think about it.

Here is a photo of chicken kabobs that will be good for the New Me.  We made them on a family camping trip last summer.  Just chicken breast, red peppers, yellow peppers, mushrooms, onions, sprinkled with lemon juice.  Yum!

Joan the Dietitian

Today I went to see Joan the Dietitian at the Emily Program.  I love Joan.  Whatever my goals are, she enthusiasticly jumps on board, sprinkling in some realism and room for ease along the way.  She was happy to hear that I have a food tracker, they are big on that at the Emily Program. She was concerned that I have a place to journal my food feelings so I told her about this blog.  I am supposed to print out my posts and bring to our next appointment.  I left with a bunch of reference material to read.  In typical Paula fashion, I found a three-ring BINDER this afternoon which will soon be made into my NEW ME binder where I can keep Joan's stuff, recipes, articles, etc.

How do I feel about food right now?  I have trouble getting in all the servings of fruit and vegetables I am supposed to eat in a day which is only two fruit and two veggie right now.  I am trying to ramp up to start day by practicing getting all the food IN before I worry about what needs to come OFF my food list. I feel ANXIOUS. 

Last night was a disaster for night eating.  BIG bowl of ice cream and three flour tortilla shells loaded with butter.  That nighttime compulsive eating is what I am putting to the Lord starting now.

My other progress step is that I have kinda sorta figured out how to search out other blogs of interest and subscribe to them on my "dashboard." There are lots of other folks with weight loss blogs who might have clues I can use.

If I sound fanatical about this, I am.  I am going to war and I am preparing myself. 

Put on the full armor of the Lord...

Progress on Preparations

I wasn't going to write today, but significant progress on preparations has been made.

1.  Scheduled appointment for tomorrow with Joan the registered dietitian at the Emily Program.  The Emily Program is an eating disorders clinic to which I was referred by my main therapist.  I like the professionals there, all warm and capable women, but I still do not feel I have an eating disorder.  I do feel that I have issues around eating and that my eating is wildly out of control.  Is that the definition of disorder?  LOL.

2.  Daughter suggested a Food and Fitness Planner/Tracker she found at WebMD.com. I have always found that website to be clear and helpful so I tried it tonight and I like the tracker tool.  Input your food and it also tracks, fiber, cholesterol, protein, sodium, etc.

 Photo at 19 yrs old. Obviously won't be going back there, but you can see that I really do have bones in my face.
More tomorrow after mtg with Joan!

Night Eating

As I prepare for the "switchover" as I call it in my head, the change in habits that will accompany my new life style and weight loss, I am starting to plan for obstacles that I know will come up.  The most important of these is coming up with a plan to deal with my nighttime eating.

I have been eating at night for more than 20 years.  Maybe it started with the trauma of abusive relationships.  Some doctors call it a sleep disorder, others an eating disorder.  I eat not enough during the day and then start eating everything that is not nailed down at about 9 p.m.  I used to actually eat in my sleep, now I am mostly awake.  Sometimes I wake myself up to eat for the first couple of hours after I go down.  I will eat anything, but especially things that are easy to eat.  I go for high fat items first like cheese and peanut butter. I can eat a small jar of peanut butter in one sitting with a spoon.  Just this week I ate an 8 oz bag of shredded cheese in bed.  I would never eat this stuff in the daytime.

I see a nutritionist who has suggested that I aim for eating breakfast by 10:00 a.m. as a first step towards getting more calories in during the day.  This has proven to be surprisingly difficult.  Excuses include not being hungry, just wanting to drink coffee, and wanting to get straight to work.  I intend to keep working on this.

Another suggestion has been to take my prescribed sleep aid early.  Try to sleep earlier to avoid eating.  I have been trying to take my sleeping pill by 11 p.m. which is 1-2 hours earlier than I used to take it.

I am really worried about this eating at night business saboutaging my entire plan but all I can do is bring the power of prayer up against it.  I don't really think it is a disorder, just a really deeply ingrained habit, and as such, I can break it just like I quit smoking.

Current Action Steps:
1.  Eat breakfast by 10 a.m.
2.  Take sleeping pill by 11 p.m.

Goal for Tomorrow:
1.  Make appointment with Joan the nutritionist to lay out Month 1 eating plan.

Losing 100 lbs. in 2013!

This is my first blog post ever.  My plan is to document the course of losing 100 lbs.  over the course of the next year, or longer.  In this blog, I plan to be brutally honest about my feelings, motivations and potential failings.  I am starting to write now in early December 2012 because I am starting to lay strategies in place and working to get my mind right for the big day of beginning a total life style change.  I welcome readers' encouragement and good ideas.  Join with me if you like, but no whining allowed.

To introduce myself, I am a 55 year old woman of God.  I am 5'9"tall and weigh approximately 320 lbs.  I have been overweight since I had three children in my early twenties with the weight progressively increasing even until now.  I have tried to lose weight intermittently, the most successful recent effort occurring in 2006 when I lost 60 lbs for my son's wedding by following a Weight Watcher's most restrictive diet plan, primarily chicken breast, veggies and brown rice, and riding my bike.  After the wedding, the weight came right back.

In a future post, I will address some of the issues that contribute to my obesity, but today I would like to focus on positive reasons for goal setting at this time. 
A.  I successfully quit smoking on January 1, 2007 so I feel that January 1 is a success day for me.
B.  I desperately want to look better.  Honestly, that is more important to me than my health.
C.  I want to run and play full tilt with my six exceptional granddaughters.

I anticipate the same issues with this program as the normal person would have.  I am a busy person, working as a textile artist from my home (http://www.etsy.com/shop/lydiaproject).  I like to eat, especially fats and starches and cheese.  Not so much on the sweets.  My eating schedule is very irratic.  I do not exercise at all, unless you consider the one block I had to walk this morning from a parking place to a meeting which really irritated me.

That's enough for day.  If you come from the outside world to read this and it strikes a chord, please leave a brief message so I know you are there and I can pray for you.

Peace!
Paula