Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Day 22 - First Serious Fail

303 lbs     16 lbs lost

So on the same day I get to 16 lbs lost, I ate a whole package of pecan sandies last night.  Kind of takes the fun out of it.  My night eating got the best of me.  I tried to take my sleep aid and go to sleep, but I had already thought of the cookies in the cupboard and couldn't get past them.  I tried to just take a handful to bed and leave the rest in the kitchen, but my mind said, just eat the whole thing and then they'll be gone and out of your way.  Just eat the whole thing and in the morning pretend it didn't happen.  I don't remember specifically eating them all because I was dozing, but I know I did.

Pretend it didn't happen isn't how it works, as many of you know.  I stayed in bed very late, trying to avoid the shame of daylight. Then I feel guilty about that.  Now I am up, showered, done my chores and ate some yogurt.  Writing this to clear it off my mind.  I have been working hard at controlling my mind and my impulses and I do not deserve self-loathing after 21 days of trying to love myself up.  I am crying right now but that is OK because I would rather get it out and get on with my day than suck it up and send more disgust and cortisol to my fat middle like in the old days. So here is a picture of the stupid pecan sandies that will not get me again because I am facing it today.  I am going to flow into the rest of my day and not crucify myself or try to double exercise or starve myself to make up for it.  I might drink a lot of water.  I think that is OK.

Onward & upward (downward)!

No comments:

Post a Comment